Home1. One thing I want to say to someone I hate
I don’t really HATE anyone. I dislike a lot of people, but hate…? Nope.
2. One of my insecurities.
Love. The whole notion of there being someone for everyone and that you will find your perfect match. I’m scared that I won’t.
3. Something I think…
I’m pretty bored too, right now. Allegedly, I’m supposed to be staying up with the baby until the early am shift, and then J will take over, but he’s goofing off on the computer, so let’s guess I won’t get any sleep tonight, shall we?
1. One thing I want to say to someone I hate:
“Mr. Phelps, I truly believe that you and the rest of the members of the Westboro Baptist Church should be held accountable for all the pain and suffering you’ve caused untold numbers of people with your despicable and hateful actions over the past 20 odd years. I can only hope that either MY belief system is right or yours is, because in either case you will spend eternity suffering an unspeakable burden or burning in indescribable torment because of your crimes against humanity and your refusal to act like a decent human being to your fellow man.”
2. One of my insecurities.
Being a mom, my biggest insecurity is that something horrible will happen to my children. Even them growing up and moving out doesn’t alleviate this fear, in fact, it makes it worse at times. Lolo rolled her Blazer and totaled it a month ago, and she’s fine, just fine, she had to have 17 stitches in her arm, she dislocated her clavicle, and she bumped her head really hard…but the anxiety and fear I had for a week until I could know for sure she was really and truly OK was insane. I know some parents just let go and say “Sink or swim”, and I mostly don’t interfere in their lives…but when bad things happen, I try to be there. And I worry.
3. Something I think is scary.
I recently was reading a very technical mathematical and science journal from about ten years ago, and it predicted the current state of financial affairs our country would be in, complete with the algorithm that was developed to calculate the timeline that could be used to factor when we’d hit total financial collapse, i.e. Greece or Ireland. Even worse, it outlined situations we could end up in: hyperinflation, government collapse, hostile takeover by a foreign nation…these are very, very, scary scenarios. The fact that they are estimated to happen IN MY LIFETIME is scary as hell to me. I can only hope someone crunched these numbers wrong, but it’s looking more and more like the math is right, and nothing anyone does is going to change the course of the curve. Calculus is elegant, and a hyperbole will curve down no matter what you do eventually.
4. Who I wish I could be.
Myself, without needing medication to be myself. Myself, without being borderline diabetic. Myself, without any anxiety disorders. Myself, with a better use of spoken English. Myself, only without a knack for driving off people I love (the better to keep them from hurting me in the long run).
5. Where I want to be right now.
Swimming. I wish I knew someone with a pool where I could swim at night. I’d also like to sleep outside tonight.
6. The last thing I ate.
I snacked on some almonds a little bit ago, and had a cup of coffee.
7. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately.
I’ve been watching this burlesque dancer Red Herring, and she’s all kind of sexy.
8. What song I’m currently listening to.
Nothing, TV is on in the background. But on the way home I was listening to Priscilla Ahn.
9. The last time I cried and why.
I’m keeping that one to myself.
10. Something I’m excited about.
Upcoming burlesque performance on July 23rd. My costume is gorgeous, my routine is coming along well, just have to perfect the ending!
11. 2 things I dislike about myself.
My legs are like tree trunks compared to the rest of my body: they are thick and stout. I don’t mind having a round ass and hips, I’m comfortable with my tummy, boobs, etc., and my arms are ok, but my legs are disproportionately thick. I wouldn’t mind being a little taller than 5’1”, either. I’m not asking for much, but really? 3-4” to be average so I could reach normal, everyday stuff without needing a stepstool would be fab.
12. Three things I want right now.
I want my shoulder not to hurt. So I better start doing my PT exercises more regularly, huh?
I want my legs to slim down, as mentioned above. This means getting back to the gym and on the treadmill. They will always be thick, but I can get them a little slimmer if I work at it.
I want my husband to pay attention to me. Today we stopped for gas, and he went inside to use the restroom. He noticed by the checkout there were dark chocolate mint candy bars in a basket with other new candy bars, so he stopped and bought himself one. He didn’t get me anything. Nothing. His excuse was that he knew I didn’t like mint (true), but I’ve seen that display and there’s 4-5 kinds of candy there. He could have grabbed coconut m&m’s, which I love and can parcel out in small amounts. He just…didn’t even think about me. If this happened now and then, I’d blow it off, but it happens more and more. I’m an afterthought, a distraction, someone who exists to bounce ideas off of and to keep track of his keys.
I’m a little tired of it.
