Surviving opening night and I NEED MY OWN CAR!!

Right now I’m supposed to be in downtown Wichita participating in a Flash Mob. I even know the entire routine.

I don’t have a working car.

This business of sharing a car has worked for us for almost 5 years, but it’s an era that needs to come to a close. So we’re on the lookout for a decent used car. Know anyone? Let me know! We really want a small truck, or a small SUV (think Blazer or what is the one Toyota used to make? Forerunner?) You’ll be on the right track. Something with decent fuel economy but still cargo space and hopefully the ability to  tow a small trailer.

Back to opening night:

Last night was so much FUN! There were TWO major goof ups: First of all, our “opening number” was slotted at number 5, and my number was slotted at number 7…and the number 6 act was only 5 minutes long! That’s not much time for a full costume change in the burlesque world when you’re a newbie! Plus, I didn’t even THINK about the fact that I needed to get out of the purple and silver outfit and into the pink and gold outfit from hell in less than 5 minutes and be back on stage, so I was NOT hurrying! I was being my usual OCD self, taking off stuff, hanging it up carefully…when the girl runs back and says “Violette in one!” and I’m still  naked. FUCK! WHAT??? ONE?? We caught her and told her to stall him, and he was a doll and did his second mini routine and bought me and extra four minutes to get into my pink costume from hell (more in a minute) and I was ready before he was done, but still? BIG MISTAKE. Tonight I will have some of my pink ready to go UNDER THE PURPLE and I’ll just tear off Costume A and have the rest of Pink Hell ready to throw on.

Pink Hell is gorgeous, but the underbust had two clasps that gave out a few days ago. I turned it over to a friend to “repair”, and after he got frustrated trying to repair it, he literally glued the damn thing shut and said “pull it over your head”. Um, ok :( That means it has to be COMPLETELY unlaced to it’s loosest lacing point  and then retightened with each performance to get it across my shoulders and boobs and back off again. Pain in the ass and it takes too much time. Plus, if there’s nobody around who knows how to lace properly, I’m cinching it up myself with the help of a mirror, which KILLS my shoulder and takes even MORE time. I replaced the original lacing with gold cord to match the costume, and it does look nicer, but it’s harder to work with, too. Then, the bra has fringe, and fringe, and more fringe…so all the fringe has to be straightened and not caught up in any straps or tucked in anywhere so it all swings right. My sister was playing with the dance belt and she stretched out the elastic and ruined the snap, so I had to slap on some emergency sticky velcro for this weekend (it doesn’t show, and I’ll build a new belt when I can get more stretch sequin material and I’ll just cut off this $11 beaded fringe rather than buy a new batch and glue/sew it on the new belt, because I’m cheap like that), but for now, this belt is ok and from the audience, no one can tell it’s kind of ghetto. But it’s one more thing that can’t just be grabbed and yanked on, you have to be a little gentle with it, and since it’s fringe, once again, it has to have the fringe straightened out. All this stuff takes like, 20 seconds each, but it all adds up so fast! Like buckling my shoes-who knew that changing your shoes each time adds up so damn fast! Or your hair? Just taking off a sliver and black head band and pinning up a few curls with a big gold flower instead, takes 30 seconds but when you’ve only got 4 minutes….sigh…maybe I won’t wear the headband tonight and I’ll pin up the curls with a bobby pin so all I have to do is add the flower later. That should cut off some time.

This is crazy!

Anyways, the other thing I did was that I don’t know everyone yet at Dillenger’s show. So I was in the car on the way there trying to do my makeup in the car, and I couldn’t get on one of my eyelashes (yes, I put on fake eyelashes in a car-usually I can do it, last night my husband was AIMING at bumps in the road and driving like a madman, I swear), and after four tries I gave up on the right eye. So I went into the dressing room and this tall, tall woman was putting on makeup. I plopped down next to her and started up this bitch monologue about the eyelash from hell and my husband’s crazy driving, and before too long she’s laughing really hard but trying NOT to laugh out loud because she’s doing her own make up. Finally, she introduces herself: she’s our VISITING ACT from KC, our headliner! I was so embarrassed, I thought she was one of our ‘regular’ girls I hadn’t met yet! I wouldn’t have been so “me” if I had known, but apparently I really put her at ease or something, because she was really friendly after that. We talked about how I have trouble smiling on stage, and I have to really work at facial expressions, and she said it took her a YEAR before smiling just came natural to her, and she STILL has to practice the exaggerated facial expressions over and over for each routine or she’ll for get and get her “focused” look, the one you get when you’re concentrating and the one the audience thinks looks “pissed off”. I felt better about that. Later, when J picked me up, he had Evie with him, and she really gushed over the baby. Evelyn just stared at this tall, tall woman in a sparkly blue dress: she loved all the sparkles. Everybody who talked to the baby last night was  sparkly. We got home and by the time Carri picked up that baby she had so much glitter on her…I kind of felt bad, but I was totally sprayed down with glitter, head to toe, and I knew there was no way Evie was getting out alive without glitter on her from head to toe either if I even touched her. One of the girls threatened to make her a “burlesque” onesie, with pasties on the front and “My grandma does burlesque on it in glitter writing”. I think my daughter would kill me dead, or her boyfriend would. He’s so uncomfortable with the idea of me doing burlesque, or coming over here with any of my costuming is out, even just a decorated corset or pair of stockings. Get over it, Marshall!!

I ended up posing for pictures with a few people, I pretended to kiss a man on the cheek for his birthday and then I posed with him for a picture or two (I know, I’m bad), but he was tickled. It was his 35th birthday. When I told him I was older than him, he didn’t believe me. He started to ask me if I wanted to come along with him and his friends (he had a big group) after the show but then he caught sight of my rings and instead he asked if anyone was picking me up after the show and I told him my husband was. He was very tactful and I thought it was a good verbal shift-smart man, smart man. He’ll get a girl soon, there were a few in his group who were giving me the evil eye just for posing with him. He obviously doesn’t know he’s been “cut from the herd” but it looked to me like at least one of those girls has out their branding irons and is just waiting for the right moment. Good luck, nice guy. Wish I had caught your name!

Wish me luck (aka, break a leg) for tonight. Our afterparty should be fun, we’re checking out a bar I’ve never been to. Not that THAT’S particularly hard, I’ve not been to most bars, trendy or dive, in ICT. I don’t get out that much. However, I’m happy and it will be nice to just relax for a bit and have a beer before I head home. I missed both my physical therapy appts this week: I will have to call them on Monday and beg for them to take me back and get restarted. The pain is bad, and after tonight it’s going to be really bad. I’m also hoping the kinseo tape I ordered online will arrive today, so I can have J tape it tonight when I get home and calm down the muscle spasms…that will help SO much.

Once again: NEED A CAR. SECONDHAND, $3-4000 range (but I could probably go up a little if I found the exact perfect thing). I’m going to put the word out in Oklahoma too, since small trucks are more common in NJN territory.