did I sign up for THIS?? a rant about physical therapy, wine, and the boob shimmy

bite me where the bullet did, but DAMN! my shoulder HURTS!

For all of my dear followers who are still young and lead an existence where they are adverse to things like pain, risk-taking, and near death experiences: y’all are the SMART cookies. That’s all I’m saying. Now I’m a few years shy of 40 and I’m realizing that I’m going to spend the next 50 years in PAIN. It’s going to become slowly more and more intense,  more and more of a daily occurrence, and guess what lovely followers? There’s not a damned thing I can do about it. What’s worse? I STILL want to go scuba diving (more), sky diving (yep, didn’t learn my lesson there), para sailing (again), skiing (still)…and even though I got shot I still own firearms and you know how I feel about THAT.

I had psyched myself up to be in pain in my leg where I got shot for, well, the rest of my life, but I keep forgetting about that whole prior injury thing that will spring up and kick your ass if you do something dumb and re-injure a significant old injury. If you’re new to this blog, the skinny is that I dislocated my right shoulder three times before I was 21; as a result, it has a nasty tendency to get a tetch painful and inflammed if I do something really dumb, say, TRYING TO LEARN TO SHOULDER SHIMMY ENGLISH STYLE (which, no offense to those who can do it, but it’s weird and awkward compared to the way an ex-stripper showed me-she didn’t put her arms straight out to the sides all stiff and weird looking, and her fake boobs jiggled much more naturally her way still-so I’m going to practice HER way after I heal up) almost immediately after taking a weekend burlesque workshop where I really worked it out after NOT working out for an entire semester. Bad, bad, idea. In the mean time, I’m shaking the ta ta’s using my back muscles solely. Oh, and sexy, slow or fast shoulder rolls-they can mask a LOT of other flaws in a burly routine, amazingly enough.

Physical therapy is going well. I’ve got resistance exercises to do several times a day against a wall, but nothing using weights or therabands yet. I only go twice this week, Weds and Fri, and Fri she won’t be able to put any kinesio tape on me. Hopefully the tape I’ve ordered will be here by then so I can have J tape me up after I get home from that night’s performance, because I can’t even imagine trying to sleep after a performance without NSAIDS and tape, or a bottle of a nice  light Riesling or fairly sweet wine of some sort.

About wine: I should be all wine snobby and talk about “oaky” “pears” “rainwater” or some shit, but the fact is, I like my wine to be fruity, and actually kind of like grapes and apples, mostly, because if I wanted it to taste like another fruit, I’d order a daiquiri or mixed drink. GEEZ! Also? I want it to be somewhat sweet, because I can get vinegar at the grocery store, and if I wanted fruit flavored vodka I’d buy effing fruit flavored vodka. Ergo, I want a light, sweet (but not wine cooler sweet, no Boone’s Farm here, please), reasonably priced (under $15 a bottle is great, under $10 is amazing!, $20-25 is fine but I’m saving it for a really bad day, a gift, or a holiday-I’m on a budget, and more than that and the stuff better have magical properties, that’s all I’m saying)